beauty.in.stillness

nicholasmax:

Crea✝ion on Flickr.

why do i get disappointed? i try not to set myself up or expect anything…but you know when things just don’t feel “right”…but then again you don’t know how to change it…

is it just a mind thing? it must be my perception of the situation…but things make me sad sometimes…and i just can’t control it…i think it all just goes back to my control thang…

when i don’t feel totally in control of my emotions…when i am feeling something…that i cant explain…such as an overwhelming nostalgic feeling…or unexplained attraction to something new (anything…people…places etc)  it can make me uncomfortable…and i always associate that discomfort with awkwardness…and naivety.i feel like i should be steadfast and prepared with what the world throws my way *but then again, if i am surrounded by people i am comfortable with, or by myself i can completely lose it.i find that it can freak people out that dont know me that well, to see a strong emotional reaction to anything*…know the perfect way to react to a certain situation that is planned out…and involves the appropriate amount of emotional release…etc…

it’s all a mask

and the nose and mouth holes are covered…

suffocating me

im really suffering but i wont let you know that

because who is to say that people actually will care…

nobody wants to know, when they ask “how are you?”

when you really aren’t doing too hot…

this needs to be fixed…im slowly…creeping into actually allowing myself to feel and react in the way that the little girl inside me wants to react…the one that stifled her emotions for such a long time…was embarrassed by them even…it’s a healing process i guess…

man, im my own fucking psychologist…